Anxious Moments (Fibonacci)

NOW.
Short
of Breath,
ANXIETY
forces Terse Awareness.
Harmonious insight eludes….
Unsettled thoughts leap from irritated nerve endings.
Insistant What-How-When-Now intrudes these stygnian synapses with minute distress.

ÅÑχÌËΤψ

I am anxious, so anxious.  My dad is in ICU in respiratory failure and I feel like I am living in a repeating nightmare that wont end until I get the day right.  I hope that we as a family will make the right decisions for him and not let our own grief prolong suffering if the doctors don’t think he will survive, or survive intact as his neurological status is in question as well.

Fibonacci poetic form: uses the Fibonacci sequence for syllables on each line: 0 or 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21

Christmas Wishes

I wish that Christmas could be free:

Free to be “unshared” with a glittery tree

Free of the capitalistic piece of pie

Free of a percentage of the GNP

I wish that Christians could be free:

Free to view Christmas with “unglittered” eyes

Free of unhappy, whiny, give me cries

Free to allow pagan traditions to die

I wish that “unchristian” eyes could finally see:

See Jesus’ Shining Light despite Satan’s lies

See the miraculous birth meant to be

See that there are two kinds of trees

I wish from this Season of Giving the following three:

A world where people are healthy without need

A world where freedom is our primary creed

A world wide with hope and harmony

And one last finality: I wish for each of you the following three:

For life dreams to be granted and magnified.

For your heart to be full and free of sighs

For love to reign without greed

Dread (Nonet)

Trembling limbs, autonomic response

Memory links past with future

What will come must be endured

Time-withered awareness

Inexorable

Marches swiftly

Mind seizing

Helpless

DREAD

Psalms 46:1 God is our  refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Deuteronomy 4:29 But if  you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Nonet: Nine lines starting with 9 syllables and ending with one.

Insomnia Lament

When darkness flees the break of dawn

tumbled mind flies in turbulent flight.

Hyper-awake, wide-eyed with bankrupt yawns;

dream-deserted in unshrouded night.

If I could hold at bay this overworked pawn

and let ruminations take welcomed flight!

But I am doomed to this daily mourn….

my early bird, Groundhog Day blight.

• ≈ ♦ ≈ •

Without medication, I sleep 4-5 hours then I wake up suddenly with a white hot brain.  So bright I can actually see white flashes and feel the hyperactivity in my frontal cortex. It is a very uncomfortable, fatiguing experience, and one that I wish would end.  My psychiatrist says I must continue with Clonazapam as I have an unfortunate side effect of bipolar disorder–racing thoughts that  I cant control.  I don’t get rest on the best of nights due to fibromyalgia and sleep apnea, and the racing thoughts are just another chip in my fragile ice.  I fear that someday I shall break from the strain of constant medical symptoms.

In order to protect my son from his own stupidity, I have resorted to a biometric safe for my medications.  My home is not a safe place for a drug abuser with all the medications that I take for my various medical conditions.  I worry constantly that he will get into one of them and over dose by accident, as he has in the past.

Hope (Fibonacci)

Hope

Desire

Expectation

Future fulfillment

A bright promise of tomorrow

Someday and somehow juxtapose with certainty

Strong desire and corresponding expectation drives the inner mind to fantasy

My son starts drug rehab this week.  My hope is that the program will help him find ways other than drugs to deal with the problems that inevitably come in life.  And perhaps help us all as a family; we definitely could use it.

Fibonacci:  a non-rhyming poem structured with the Fibonacci sequence (0 or 1, 1, 2, 3, 5 etc).  Fibonacci sequence is adding the two prior numbers together to get the new number.   If one starts at “zero” then the first two lines are single syllable. Most poems stop at 13 syllables for the last line.  

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Secrets and Lies

The world revolves around secrets and lies;

Half truths and full lies underscore the theme.

Gullible souls turn guileless blind eyes,

Evil and “misguidance” from truth flies;

Prey on the innocent and uninitiated green.

Pure intentioned, the preyed novice tries

The “Power of One” their motto’d phrase.

But soon discovers the unpleasant surprise:

Absolute power corrupts in absolute ways

They look to those who are older and wise,

Not knowing the essential part they play.

But eventually their passion for truth dies;

Lost to the seductive, power-hungry craze.

Discomfort follows the nakedness of  truth.

It reveals, “unpeels” the secret rotten core.

Children taught not to lie as tender youth

Yet when older, secrets and lies open the door.

Failure to deviate now seems uncouth;

We forget when we valued what was pure.

We sell our integrity at the character booth

And victimize new initiates once more.

This evil circle renewed, next generation’s chore

Perpetually perpetrated to “even the score”……

• ≈ ♦ ≈ •

I have lived with secrets and lies for two years now as I watch drug dealers ruin my son and live with the consequences as these evil people seduce him into believing that drugs will solve his problems. But secrets and lies permeate our society as a whole.  I am sure you can relate to this on some level.