Insomnia Lament

When darkness flees the break of dawn

tumbled mind flies in turbulent flight.

Hyper-awake, wide-eyed with bankrupt yawns;

dream-deserted in unshrouded night.

If I could hold at bay this overworked pawn

and let ruminations take welcomed flight!

But I am doomed to this daily mourn….

my early bird, Groundhog Day blight.

• ≈ ♦ ≈ •

Without medication, I sleep 4-5 hours then I wake up suddenly with a white hot brain.  So bright I can actually see white flashes and feel the hyperactivity in my frontal cortex. It is a very uncomfortable, fatiguing experience, and one that I wish would end.  My psychiatrist says I must continue with Clonazapam as I have an unfortunate side effect of bipolar disorder–racing thoughts that  I cant control.  I don’t get rest on the best of nights due to fibromyalgia and sleep apnea, and the racing thoughts are just another chip in my fragile ice.  I fear that someday I shall break from the strain of constant medical symptoms.

In order to protect my son from his own stupidity, I have resorted to a biometric safe for my medications.  My home is not a safe place for a drug abuser with all the medications that I take for my various medical conditions.  I worry constantly that he will get into one of them and over dose by accident, as he has in the past.