Insomnia Lament

When darkness flees the break of dawn

tumbled mind flies in turbulent flight.

Hyper-awake, wide-eyed with bankrupt yawns;

dream-deserted in unshrouded night.

If I could hold at bay this overworked pawn

and let ruminations take welcomed flight!

But I am doomed to this daily mourn….

my early bird, Groundhog Day blight.

• ≈ ♦ ≈ •

Without medication, I sleep 4-5 hours then I wake up suddenly with a white hot brain.  So bright I can actually see white flashes and feel the hyperactivity in my frontal cortex. It is a very uncomfortable, fatiguing experience, and one that I wish would end.  My psychiatrist says I must continue with Clonazapam as I have an unfortunate side effect of bipolar disorder–racing thoughts that  I cant control.  I don’t get rest on the best of nights due to fibromyalgia and sleep apnea, and the racing thoughts are just another chip in my fragile ice.  I fear that someday I shall break from the strain of constant medical symptoms.

In order to protect my son from his own stupidity, I have resorted to a biometric safe for my medications.  My home is not a safe place for a drug abuser with all the medications that I take for my various medical conditions.  I worry constantly that he will get into one of them and over dose by accident, as he has in the past.

2 thoughts on “Insomnia Lament

  1. Dear fairy girl, it is no wonder you are so troubled. There is only one perfect solution to these problems, and I pray you find it. It is evident that you need a healing no drug nor doctor can reach because your symptoms defy reason. But every disease, every illness, every condition short of 100% may certainly be curable- it is only in the presence of God that those things are revealed. I remember the day God instructed me to stop eating or drinking anything with high fructose corn syrup in it (this was several years ago). I do believe it saved my life- a few months later I was tested for diabetes, found positive, and have seen blood sugar levels go down. So, when you pray, pray for God’s presence. There you will find wisdom no book nor person can ever give you.

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    1. I agree with the high fructose corn syrup. Toxic stuff. Unfortunately much of what we eat is toxic now. I have a fluoride ceramic water filter, I eat organic whenever I can, Paleo whenever I can. I do think food along with gene encoding for disease and exercise are the trifecta keys for health. And reduction of stress. My downfall to be sure.
      I am quite happy to hear of your triumphs over diabetes. A nasty condition and one that can be partly controlled by diet. My sister in law started Paleo and now is off most of her medications.
      Wise words–there is a great blogger called gaylorddiazblog that has a 6 part series on how to pray. Eye opening and amazing. He describes the 6 rights of prayer and it really opened my eyes to why I don’t feel like God answers mine, at least not often. Prayer is an art, hence the name “warrior”. For it is our battle cry against the forces of this world. Thank you for reminding me of this. I tend to get in my “bipolar zone” and spiral away from prayer when I am stressed.

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