Failure (Senryu)

Smeared with failures’ dung

dashed power of one

my castrated life

                                                                           ∼ ∞ ∼

I am embalmed in a bit of self pity right now as it appears that my career as a nurse is over due to ill health.  Nursing is a field not friendly to health problems and limitations.  

Senryu: same as Haiku structure but the theme is generally related to feelings or relationships while Haiku stresses nature

Quadriatic Life (Senryu)

 

Quadriatic mood–

emotional dysfunction…..

Borderline living

∞  ∼  ∞

I know most of you are thinking “HUH”?  So here is the explanation.  I had a revelation when my gifted daughter was attempting to explain quadriatic equations to me, which in laymen terms are “U-curves” or “waves”.  It’s bad enough that I have to learn from a child in school; even worse that at the time, she was in 7th grade.  Yes, quadriatic equations are being taught in 7th grade gifted classes.  Mind blowing.

Anyway, I like math concepts and theoretical physics.  I just cant do the math. Although poetry is closely related to math, and I know several mathmaticians who indulge in the art.

While my daughter was explaining the equation for quadriatic U curves, I realized that here was a math equation for dysregulated moods!  And “quadriatic life” stuck in my head.  Now if there was just some lasting way to flatten the top of the curve out a bit……

So what are quadriatic U-curves? The math of quadratics is intrinsically related to a U-shaped curve known as a parabola. Perhaps the most familiar example is a stream of water that shoots from a drinking fountain. There are many other examples, such as the cross-section of a satellite dish or the cables on a suspension bridge.

Psychologists use the parabolic curve to map out the “wave” of moods.  In mood dysregulation, the top of the curve ( or the highest intensity of the mood) is much higher and wider than persons without mood disorders.  I was able to put this together during one of my DBT sessions.  DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) is a treatment for borderline personality disorder and I have so far found it to be transformative.  For the first time in 40 years, I have really started to know who I am and how I function.  My hope is that a better, wiser, less impulsive, less dysregulated ME will eventually emerge.

Senryu: same as Haiku structure but the theme is generally related to relationships while Haiku stresses nature

 

Neuropathy (Senryu)

Pin pricks of torture

Pronged edges invade my skin

Neuropathic pain

♦♦♦

I have peripheral neuropathy and at night my feet burn yet are numb at the same time. 

A battle scar from chemotherapy.

Senryu: same as Haiku structure but the theme is generally related to relationships or feelings while Haiku stresses nature

Solitary soul (Senryu)

Solitary soul

restless eyes flicker to mine

suggestive longing

Picture: Kiss the Girl by puppyartstudios

For those two moments in my life where I looked at something…and KNEW…just one glance and I was hooked…..

Senryu: same as Haiku structure but the theme is generally related to relationships or feelings while Haiku stresses nature

Misery in Paradise (Senryu)

Frozen mirthless smile

Misery in Paradise

Tear-filled cenote

One’s state of mind can make a dump a paradise and a paradise a dump.  It is not one’s surroundings that lead to happiness it is how one views it.  That being said, there are places in the world that go hand in hand with bliss, and when one is in these magical spots and is filled with misery, the unhappiness seems so much bleaker.

I am in Kauai, but I count the hours until I can go home, for to be made unhappy in such a place raises unhappiness to a plane all its’ own.  I came for some peace and balance but it eludes me in my present company.

Senryu: same as Haiku structure but the theme is generally related to relationships or feelings while Haiku stresses nature

Fractal Thinking (Senryu)

fractal art wormhole

Bound by fractal  ties

An oubliette prisoner

Turbulent thinking

∞∞∞

Fractal: A geometric pattern that is repeated at ever smaller scales to produce irregular shapes and surfaces that cannot be represented by classical geometry. Fractals are used especially in computer modeling of irregular patterns and structures in nature.

Sometimes I feel like I am in a fractal world, a maze or oubliette that goes round and round and never straightens out into a line with the door at the end.  Do you ever feel that way?

Senryu: same as Haiku structure but the theme is generally related to relationships or feelings while Haiku stresses nature

photo credit: Anua22a via photopin cc