Reflections on a Sneeze (Humor Haiku)

Sharp, short burst of air

Nostril clearing dance with death

Clarity again

I have been sneezing up to 15 times in a row.  Yes I count them, they feel a little like a seizmic event.  Big harsh ugly sneezes that rattle my bones.  So why not interject a little humor in the experience?  I am sure at some point in time you can relate!

Haiku: three lines with a 5-7-5 syllable construction.  I took liberties with the haiku as the theme is related to nature!

 

Wheeze please (Two word poem)

Cough, tickle

rattle, w-h-e-e-z-e!

Nasal drip,

tissues, please“,

mutter (miffed),

Damn allergies“!

Snort, sniff….

MASSIVE SNEEZE!!

Ö

I had a horrible respiratory infection for three months this winter.  And again it has crawled into my chest, helped by seasonal allergies.  I feel like I have rice crispies for lungs, for when I inhale I feel snap-crackle-popping sounds in my chest.  It is so disruptive that I cant sleep at times…although my husband would not agree.  Last night I sacked out after a long bout of coughing and he couldn’t get me awake for the tornado sirens.  I apparently sat up when he came in, and mumbled words to him but I remember nothing.  My family and 3 random other friends of my son spent much of the late evening huddled on the couch in fear of their lives but I was blissfully unaware and my stuporous slumber was not broken.  Good thing I wasn’t on call for work!

Two word poems:  a simple concept where a poem is created from two word lines

Gaze (Etheree)

Gaze,

transfixed

soul-to-soul.

Glistening lights

hidden in the depths;

Earnest perception dawns!

Riveted to umber orbs–

circling the event horizon–

Transfixed moments of understanding….

conjoined ephemeral intimacy……

∞   ≈ ♥≈   ∞

This poem demonstrates my ability to write a beautiful mess of BS.  Must be my Scotch-Irish heritage!  But, like George, “I cannot tell a lie”.  The REAL story behind this lovely poem is not at all romantic and a whole lot of horrifying:

Last week I  went to Arizona for vacation.  [More on that in another post!]  I found myself packed in the aisle of an airplane with barely enough room to take a deep breath.  For some reason the line was at a standstill.  I don’t do standstill very well, so to cope I went into a semi-trance for an unknown length of time.  Was it seconds?  Minutes?  All I know is that I came to a gradual awareness that my gaze was transfixed on a person.  A man with an olive-gray ball cap.  I felt like I was waking up from a dream as his eyes slowly swam into clear focus.

“Wow!” thought I, “now THAT is eye candy….what gorgeous eyes….”

I slowly roamed over his face, appreciating the finer points while I was stuck like a sardine in the line, my thoughts something like ” He ROCKS that beard.  Wait, what am I saying, I hate beards!  But darn, he should be a beard model….I’ll call him………… Mr Munchtastic!” 🙂

Now I was a little puzzled, because this isn’t me at all, so I was curious as to why I was reacting in such an unusual manner.  The words of this etheree poem began to pleasantly percolate…..

Wait, something isn’t right.  A wave of confusion washed over me, and I felt my eyes get sucked back into his.  He was staring back, a little smile on his face….like he knew me….HUH?

Weird how sometimes recognition comes in a slow trickle, but seconds later I felt my eyes start to bug out at him with dawning horror.

“Do I KNOW those eyes?”  (Um, I think it’s time to BLINK now!)

“Yikes, I DO know those eyes!”

“Oh gracious I am ogling Dr C!  And I think he knows it! AHHH!”

What to do? What to do?  I was still sucked into this gaze that I couldn’t break and I could feel sweat trickling down the back of my neck.

“Ok, focus! Does he recognize me?  OMG I think he DOES!  AHHHH!!”

Plan of attack needed!  Cheeky Smile?  No?  Finger wave?  No?  Wink at him? Well, maybe in my young hot days, lol!

By this time I was in a panic.  There was no way I could say a casual “hi” and not act like an idiot.   So the cowardly way out presented itself with a whispered  “Pretend you didn’t see him….”

“That’s so rude!  I couldn’t!  Dr C is ‘da bomb’ and  the nicest doc in our hospital!  He helps the kids in my unit so much!……. Plus I am glued to his eyeballs; how would I extricate myself?”

Just slide your eyes casually over his hat then keep sliding them up….”

And I did just that.  I am such a doofus……

Now how do I act when I see him next?  “Sorry my eyes were not behaving themselves Dr C?”

[FACEPALM]

 

Etheree poem: 10 lines, each syllable increases by one starting with one syllable (or 10 if going the other way).