Ode to Saggy Baggy Pants

 

Who could think that fashion  would sink

to wearing pants under your bum.

This drives most  rational dressers to drink;

while this is quite “swag “ to some.

Teens these days with butt showing ways

are immune to eye rolling stares.

Don’t they know that the low pant craze

is not something people want them to share?

As usual they think that their “shit don’t stink”

otherwise they simply don’t care.

I cant imagine why holding up  their pants

does not drive them insane!

If they knew how silly the wiggle dance

looked, Im sure they would refrain.

And who wants to see their underwear

that often is nothing to brag about?

I certainly have no desire to “see down there”;

some bums are simply not meant to hang out.

I have threatened to lower my own pants in protest

(although the poor souls in my rear view

would not appreciate my mid-life jest)

just to offend this generation’s teenage crew.

But as my butt is saggy, dimpled and fat,

I shall refrain from  embarrassing you.

Some day their child’s teenage craze

will make teens today scream and shout.

Until then, we smarter persons must bend

to suffering this embarrassing craze out.

 

I love this poem!  While I am a passionate poet, and often have my best stuff when I am in gripped in an emotional upheaval, my favorite poems by far are my silly “ODES”!

I am DEVOUTLY hopeful that the decrease in “bum-swag” is suggesting that this awful phase is on the outs.  I wrote this earlier at a time when all I saw was the penguin walk from young men with an aversion to belts or decency.  But fashion never stays around for very long.  I hope that I will never have to see another pair of peek-a-boo underwear again.  But as this is pretty humorous, I hope you can grin and maybe show it to someone still clinging to this silliness.

Reflections on a Sneeze (Humor Haiku)

Sharp, short burst of air

Nostril clearing dance with death

Clarity again

I have been sneezing up to 15 times in a row.  Yes I count them, they feel a little like a seizmic event.  Big harsh ugly sneezes that rattle my bones.  So why not interject a little humor in the experience?  I am sure at some point in time you can relate!

Haiku: three lines with a 5-7-5 syllable construction.  I took liberties with the haiku as the theme is related to nature!

 

Wheeze please (Two word poem)

Cough, tickle

rattle, w-h-e-e-z-e!

Nasal drip,

tissues, please“,

mutter (miffed),

Damn allergies“!

Snort, sniff….

MASSIVE SNEEZE!!

Ö

I had a horrible respiratory infection for three months this winter.  And again it has crawled into my chest, helped by seasonal allergies.  I feel like I have rice crispies for lungs, for when I inhale I feel snap-crackle-popping sounds in my chest.  It is so disruptive that I cant sleep at times…although my husband would not agree.  Last night I sacked out after a long bout of coughing and he couldn’t get me awake for the tornado sirens.  I apparently sat up when he came in, and mumbled words to him but I remember nothing.  My family and 3 random other friends of my son spent much of the late evening huddled on the couch in fear of their lives but I was blissfully unaware and my stuporous slumber was not broken.  Good thing I wasn’t on call for work!

Two word poems:  a simple concept where a poem is created from two word lines

Gaze (Etheree)

Gaze,

transfixed

soul-to-soul.

Glistening lights

hidden in the depths;

Earnest perception dawns!

Riveted to umber orbs–

circling the event horizon–

Transfixed moments of understanding….

conjoined ephemeral intimacy……

∞   ≈ ♥≈   ∞

This poem demonstrates my ability to write a beautiful mess of BS.  Must be my Scotch-Irish heritage!  But, like George, “I cannot tell a lie”.  The REAL story behind this lovely poem is not at all romantic and a whole lot of horrifying:

Last week I  went to Arizona for vacation.  [More on that in another post!]  I found myself packed in the aisle of an airplane with barely enough room to take a deep breath.  For some reason the line was at a standstill.  I don’t do standstill very well, so to cope I went into a semi-trance for an unknown length of time.  Was it seconds?  Minutes?  All I know is that I came to a gradual awareness that my gaze was transfixed on a person.  A man with an olive-gray ball cap.  I felt like I was waking up from a dream as his eyes slowly swam into clear focus.

“Wow!” thought I, “now THAT is eye candy….what gorgeous eyes….”

I slowly roamed over his face, appreciating the finer points while I was stuck like a sardine in the line, my thoughts something like ” He ROCKS that beard.  Wait, what am I saying, I hate beards!  But darn, he should be a beard model….I’ll call him………… Mr Munchtastic!” 🙂

Now I was a little puzzled, because this isn’t me at all, so I was curious as to why I was reacting in such an unusual manner.  The words of this etheree poem began to pleasantly percolate…..

Wait, something isn’t right.  A wave of confusion washed over me, and I felt my eyes get sucked back into his.  He was staring back, a little smile on his face….like he knew me….HUH?

Weird how sometimes recognition comes in a slow trickle, but seconds later I felt my eyes start to bug out at him with dawning horror.

“Do I KNOW those eyes?”  (Um, I think it’s time to BLINK now!)

“Yikes, I DO know those eyes!”

“Oh gracious I am ogling Dr C!  And I think he knows it! AHHH!”

What to do? What to do?  I was still sucked into this gaze that I couldn’t break and I could feel sweat trickling down the back of my neck.

“Ok, focus! Does he recognize me?  OMG I think he DOES!  AHHHH!!”

Plan of attack needed!  Cheeky Smile?  No?  Finger wave?  No?  Wink at him? Well, maybe in my young hot days, lol!

By this time I was in a panic.  There was no way I could say a casual “hi” and not act like an idiot.   So the cowardly way out presented itself with a whispered  “Pretend you didn’t see him….”

“That’s so rude!  I couldn’t!  Dr C is ‘da bomb’ and  the nicest doc in our hospital!  He helps the kids in my unit so much!……. Plus I am glued to his eyeballs; how would I extricate myself?”

Just slide your eyes casually over his hat then keep sliding them up….”

And I did just that.  I am such a doofus……

Now how do I act when I see him next?  “Sorry my eyes were not behaving themselves Dr C?”

[FACEPALM]

 

Etheree poem: 10 lines, each syllable increases by one starting with one syllable (or 10 if going the other way).